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} g = p.getElementsByTagName(s)[0]; Continue with Recommended Cookies. On The Simple Solution To Parenthood's Most Difficult Question "Parents are burning these kids out on structure. "Government want to tell you things you can't say because they're against the law, or you can't say this because it's against a regulation, or here's something you can't say because its a.secret; "You can't tell him that because he's not cleared to know that." Government wants to control information and control . George Carlin > Quotes > Quotable Quote (?) Theres only the immediate future and the recent past. In America, anyone can become president. Think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of them are stupider than that. George Carlin, 40. They spend billions of dollars every year lobbying, lobbying, to get what they want. Who the fuck is going to invade the US? I think that speaks for itself. Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuck. George Carlin, 52. War is rich old men protecting their property by sending middle class and lower class young men off to die. Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Here is one I would suggest: Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was.George Carlin,When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? They own you. The first one is: 'Never believe ANYthing the government says.'. I started this website because I wanted to help people like you to maximize their potential and achieve their dreams. Napalm & Silly Putty, Hyperion. Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? Theyre all in favour of the unborn. "George Carlin confronts reality". George Carlin Quotes Government George Carlin American Comedian born on May 12, 1937, died on June 22, 2008 George Denis Patrick Carlin was an American stand-up comedian, social critic, actor, and author. George Carlin. War is rich old men protecting their property by sending middle-class and lower-class men off to die. George Carlin, 78. Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life. I think every day all children should have 3 hours of daydreaming. I dont have to tell you it goes without saying there are some things better left unsaid. And when you suspend your individual beauty you also give up a lot of your humanity. Quotes by George Carlin One of the most iconic comedians of all time. }; They own everything. Whether youre looking for inspirational or funny quotes by George Carlin or whether youre looking for his famous quotes politics and education, its all here. We dont even know how to take care of ourselves; we havent learned how to care for one another. } Some people have no idea what theyre doing, and a lot of them are really good at it. George Carlin, 42. The people are fucked. George Carlin, May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. George Carlin, Some people have no idea what theyre doing, and a lot of them are really good at it. George Carlin, Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. George Carlin, We have multiplied our possessions but reduced our values. You have owners. They own you. People cant seem to get it through their heads that there is never any healing or closure. 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He loves you. George Carlin, Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.George Carlin, I, myself, have killed six people. You have owners. George Carlin, 84. Source; . Some people see things that are and ask, Why? American A good motto to live by: Always try not to get killed. Deal with it. We talk too much,love too seldom, and hate too often. Your dog thinks you're a god. God has a three-day weekend.George Carlin, Theres a humorous side to every situation. While some of his views may not be popular among the masses, he does make an interesting point when it comes to government. A comedian can say things that you may not want to hear but need to. Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. If you can find a solution to homelessness where the corporations and politicians can make a few million dollars each, you will see the streets of America begin to clear up pretty damn quick! George Carlin, 67. gads.type = "text/javascript"; Its never just a game when youre winning. George Carlin, 7. The real reason that we cant have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not commit adultery, and Thou shalt not lie in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. // You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesnt mean the circus has left town. George Carlin, 23. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. } catch (err) { The people are fucked! George Carlin, 80. Thats the problem.George Carlin, Let a smile be your umbrella, and youll end up with a face full of rain. If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, youre going to have selfish, ignorant leaders. George Carlin Government Quotes "Religion is like a pair of shoes..Find one that fits for you, but don't make me wear your shoes." George Carlin "Religion is just mind control. I sincerely believe that if you think theres a solution, youre part of the problem. A Death! George Carlin, Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers?George Carlin, Electricity is really just organized lightningGeorge Carlin, Would a fly without wings be called a walk?George Carlin, There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. The people are fucked.George Carlin, A good motto to live by: Always try not to get killed.George Carlin, Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.George Carlin, I think I am, therefore, I am I think.George Carlin, Everyone smiles in the same language.George Carlin, People who say they dont care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they dont care what people think.George Carlin, Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers. George Carlin died on June 22, 2008, from cardiac failure at the age of 71. They're always people who tell us to live together in harmony and try to love one another: Jesus, Ghandi, Lincoln, John Kennedy, Bobby Kennedy, Medgar Evers, Malcolm X, Martin Luther King, John Lennon. Its so fuckin heroic. George Carlin, Most people work just hard enough not to get firedand get paid just enough not to quit. George Carlin, Bipartisan usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out. George Carlin, If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, youre going to have selfish, ignorant leaders. George Carlin, Theres no present. It always has been. Then you live in an old age home. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Wheres the self-help section? She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. try { Keep in mind, the news media are not independent; they are a sort of bulletin board and public relations firm for the ruling class-the people who run things. Deal with it.George Carlin, Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.George Carlin, He and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he, because no woman could or would ever fuck things up this badly.George Carlin, I dont know how you feel, but Im pretty sick of church people. When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. Life is a zero sum game. George Carlin, 36. Heres all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And in 2017,Rolling Stone magazine ranked Carlin second on its list of the 50 Best Stand-Up Comics of All Time, just behind Richard Pryor. Religion is like a pair of shoesFind one that fits for you, but dont make me wear your shoes. q("i", arguments) If black boxes survive air crashes why dont they make the whole plane out of that stuff? George Carlin, 55. Don't forget to confirm subscription in your email. the important thing is to, first of all, question everything you read or hear or see or are told. But did you ever notice that we have no war on homelessness? Stand-Up Comedy. George Carlin's full name was George Denis Patrick Carlin. I dont believe anything the government tells me., Governments dont want well-informed, well-educated people capable of critical thinking. I think people should be allowed to do what they want. The less said about it the better. George Carlin,Brain Droppings, Catholic, which I was until I reached the age of reasonGeorge Carlin, They say that instead of cursing the darkness, one should light a candle. The game is rigged and nobody seems to notice. Thats the problem. George Carlin, When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. If you cant beat them, arrange to have them beaten. The planet is fine. Whats that, a bonus? The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. The real reason that we cant have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not commit adultery, and Thou shalt not lie in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. Laugh often, long and loud. if (sourcesToHideBuyFeatures[i] == source) there's no such thing as rights. Maybe this time itll work. Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music. These George Carlin funny quotes on religion, government, and stupid people will make you laugh as well as think about things deeply. (function () { googletag.pubads().setTargeting("signedin", "false"); Get future posts byemail,oryou can follow us onInstagram,Pinterest,andFacebook. Creative Commons. Topics. I have certain rules I live by. I really tried to believe that, but I gotta tell you, the longer you live, the more you look around, the more you realize, something is fucked up.George Carlin, When youre born into this world, youre given a ticket to the freak show. Aparently we're not ready for that! ' George Carlin, 30. setDisplayBids: function() {}, " Forget the politicians. Its never going to get any better. Right in the fucking head! When you are born, you get a ticket to the freak show. A.src = t; Witty George Carlin Quotes 1. He believes that knowledge can change the world and be used to inspire and empower young people to build the life of their dreams. A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff. George Carlin, 16. Comedian Thats the problem., I call him Governor Bush because thats the only political office hes ever held legally in this country., Political correctness is Americas newest form of intolerance, and it is especially pernicious because it comes disguised as tolerance., Forget the politicians. George Carlin. Dont sweat the petty things and dont pet the sweaty things. apstag.init({ I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. We would love to hear your thoughts, so dont be shy and comment below! George Carlin George Denis Patrick Carlin (May 12, 1937 - June 22, 2008) was an American comedian, social critic, actor, and author Carlin was noted for his black comedy and his thoughts on politics, the English. gads.src = (useSSL ? You will do things in the name of a group that you would never do on your own. You have no choice. var node = document.getElementsByTagName("script")[0]; Its totally FREE. I think the life cycle is all backwards. Use your fucking heads! Authors. Lists. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat. Aw, hes a comedian. Just because you got the monkey off your back, doesnt mean the circus has left town. //= 2; // retina display "Events.Namespace": "csa", throw new Error("could not load device-specific stylesheet : " + err.message); stylesheet.href = url; That's the problem." "Bipartisan usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out." " Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity ." Seems like a big waste of time to me! g.parentNode.insertBefore(A, g) Carlin was noted for his black comedy and his thoughts on politics, the English language, psychology, religion, and various taboo subjects. Manage Settings Nobody seems to care. George Carlin's Estate, via HBO. node.parentNode.insertBefore(gads, node); And fight songs. Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? All you had to do was suspend the logic and reasoning you were being taught in all the other classes. George Carlin,Brain Droppings, Laugh often, long and loud. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn't want you to do. Maybe this time itll work. George Carlin, 59. //. Carlin, who was known for spewing critical rhetoric against the government, organized religion and big business, first delivered the quote during his 2005 HBO comedy special, Life Is Worth. var cookiePair = cookie.split('='); Thats the problem. George Carlin, 58. session: { id: "334-5362882-2183381" }, George Carlin quotes on the American government In America, anyone can become president. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. George Carlin, 49. If youre born in America you get a front row seat.George Carlin, Dont sweat the petty things and dont pet the sweaty things.George Carlin, If its true that our species is alone in the universe, then Id have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.George Carlin,Napalm & Silly Putty. We havent tried that for a while. A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff. Sooner or later the people in this country are going to realize: the government does not give a fuck about them. You have owners. Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body. Teach them to question everything. We think in language. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? The first one is: 'Never believe ANYthing the government says.' George Carlin Believe, Government, Rules To Live By 48 Copy quote Tell people an invisible man in the sky created all things, they believe you. "Forget the politicians. The planet is fine. Carlin certainly aimed to provoke, but its the why and how of it that made him so exceptional. It will not be with jack-boots. His insights on the world of politics were always keen and often quite funny. Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bull shit they teach you in school. George Carlin. Try spelling Evian backward. var ue_sid = "334-5362882-2183381"; Disclaimer: As an Amazon Associate We earn from qualifying purchases. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. This made him outstanding. Igor is a SEO specialist, designer, and freelance writer. One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim. Theyve long since bought, and paid for the Senate, the Congress, the State houses, the city halls, they got the judges in their back pockets and they own all the big media companies, so they control just about all of the news and information you get to hear. George Carlin, 63.
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