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You have no choice. Laugh until you gasp for breath. "It's important in life if you don't give a s**t. It can help you a lot. ", 6. "The planet is fine. ", 3. "The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept. "Although I broke a lot of laws as a teenager, I straightened out immediately upon turning eighteen, when I realized the state had a legal right to execute me. These cookies track visitors across websites and collect information to provide customized ads. He was as prolific as he was profound, with a career spanning nearly five decades, 23 albums, 14 HBO specials, 130 Tonight Show appearances and three books (plus posthumous releases). "Things you never hear: 'Please stop sucking my d**k or I'll call the police. A group of slave owners who wanted to be free! Theyre not interested in that. ", 54. (LogOut/ If he wants to just lecture with his opinions then he gets lectured back with other peoples opinions. Set by Bluekai, this cookie stores anonymized data about the users' web usage in an aggregate form to build a profile for targeted advertising. Trump did not fall to Earth from. When you see the documentary, you'll see this, but the evolution of Carlin wasn't just . It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts. This cookie is managed by Amazon Web Services and is used for load balancing. Everybody complains about politicians. No president has done right by us. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. The cookie stores information anonymously and assigns a randomly generated number to recognize unique visitors. Am I right? "When you're born into this world, you're given a ticket to the freak show. Because he was a genius, and here are 11 quotes that prove it: 1. They got you by the balls. Join. "In America, anyone can become president. You have OWNERS! Ice Cube visits the "Sway in the Morning" show with Sway Calloway on Shade 45 at SiriusXM Studios on December 07, 2018, in New York City. This cookie is associated with Django web development platform for python. Simple thing. And if somehow, you must join, if its unavoidable, such as a union or a trade association, go ahead and join. Now come the lawsuits, Weird Texas GOP bill would give big tax cuts only to hetero couples with lots of kids, Libs Of TikToks Chaya Raichik & Nikki Haley gave CPAC speeches to mostly empty rooms, 5 times The Onion brilliantly skewered J.K. Rowlings & The New York Times transphobia, A right-wing podcaster tried to smear Pete Buttigieg. George Carlin. The quote continues: "They own all the important land. 01. They don't pass through a membrane from another reality. 42. This cookie is set by pippio to provide users with relevant advertisements and limit the number of ads displayed. They don't want to hear from you. . Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers. This narrative is based on a deliberate fiction. The _ga cookie, installed by Google Analytics, calculates visitor, session and campaign data and also keeps track of site usage for the site's analytics report. "Everybody's been mad at me, cause I haven't been on the f**king, y'know, the gravy train of these candidates, especially Joe Biden and Harris. A unique user identifier cookie, set by Microsoft Application Insights software, that enables counting of the number of users accessing the application over time. I don't trust none of them. ", 11. They want obedient workers. "There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. Its you. Here is one I would suggest: Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was. George Carlin, How is it possible to have a civil war? George Carlin, Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? This ensures that the cookie consent box will not be presented again upon re-entry. "People are fucking nuts. They own everything. ", 2. And if they tell you youre not a team player, congratulate them on being observant. George Carlin. Carlin is funny as hell. A 2018 survey by the Pew Research Center reports that less than half the country says elected officials care what . G eorge Carlin was ahead of his time. These cookies ensure basic functionalities and security features of the website, anonymously. I just dont have as many people who believe it. George Carlin, Now, theres one thing you might have noticed I dont complain about: politicians. The game is rigged. It also helps in fraud preventions. AddThis sets this geolocation cookie to help understand the location of users who share the information. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Analytics". Cloudflare sets this cookie to improve page load times and to disallow any security restrictions based on the visitor's IP address. I prefer dogs, because dogs don't care. The truth is, we dont have people like that. If you're preborn, you're fine; if you're preschool, you're f**ked. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? ", 74. "Electricity is really just organized lightning. No neonatal care, no daycare, no head start, no school lunch, no food stamps, no welfare, no nothing. The challenge is to find it. This cookie is native to PHP applications. This cookie store anonymous user idnetifier to determine whether a visitor had visited before, or if its a new visit. We're all fucked," Carlin once said. #AmericaWakeUp pic.twitter.com/vy2zz0j8DB, Mrs. Krassenstein (@HKrassenstein) July 26, 2020. "Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. The stand up comic was an artist who did more than articulate the public's subconscious; he embodied America's intellectual counter culture and provided sanctuary from the crisis of modernity. But once youre born, youre on your own. They don't care about you at all -- at all -- at all. Everybody complains about politicians. "Don't give your money to the church. "If four out of five people suffer from diarrhea does that mean that one enjoys it? And nobody seems to notice, nobody seems to care. The embattled gay representative has denied his drag persona, but these three performers have embraced her with comedic flair! ""Once you leave the womb, conservatives don't care about you until you reach military age. Others see it half empty. You caused the problem. ", 37. "It's called the American dream . Carlin's rueful 1996 routine about conservatives' opposition to abortion ("they will do anything for the unborn, but once you're born, you're on your own") became a newly viral phenomenon and. Weve added years to life, not life to years. 41. Maybe something else sucks around here like, the public. On Sunday, the 29-year-old Angie revealed that not . This cookie is used by PwC to track individual visitors and their use of site. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that. ''It's called the American Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it. Prof Thuggy aka Professor Thug 32K views 1. ", 22. ", 28. They're all in favor of the unborn. ", 55. Everything He ever makesdies. George Carlin, The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. "Men are from. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts. RT @JamesMelville: "They own everythingThey don't care about youThey got you by the balls." ~ George Carlin He absolutely nailed it. Thats what all that adolescent, macho, male posturing and strutting in bars and locker rooms is all about. Forget the politicians. ", 106. ", 118. ", 19. It will not be with jack-boots. By clicking Accept All Cookies, you agree to the storing of cookies on your device to enhance site navigation, analyze site usage, and assist in our marketing efforts. "Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. ", 88. Forget the politicians. Thats against their interests. Ice Cube and his political affiliations have been in the spotlight ever since White House senior advisor Katrina Pierson publicly thanked the Friday actor for his help in developing the "Platinum Plan" with Trump officials. "Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. ", 90. Which doesn't make any sense at all. The first one is: 'Never believe ANYthing the government says.' George Carlin Believe, Government, Rules To Live By 48 Copy quote Tell people an invisible man in the sky created all things, they believe you. ", 21. "How is it possible to have a civil war? "Atheism is a non-prophet organization. "Im completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. "Never argue with an idiot. "Weather forecast for tonight: dark. The late great stand-up, actor and occasional philosopher George Carlin was known to cross the lines of what polite society would call good taste, but he himself drew a few lines when it came. After that, they don't wanna know about you. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. "Forget the politicians. Pattern Integrity Films set the bit to photos and video clips from modern-day America and the result is devastating. He is famous for being named the 'The Dean of Counterculture Comedians.' His dark humor penetrates different issues of life, religion, language, and class. ", 4. Religion is like a pair of shoes, you have to find the one that fits you. To me, war is a lot of prick-waving! The v1st cookie is set by TripAdvisor to collect details about how visitors use the website, by displaying user reviews, awards and information received on the TripAdvisor community. They own all the important land. "I don't know if we could count on any parties to get us out this s**t, to be honest. Bomb them! And of course, the bombs and the rockets and the bullets are all shaped like dicks. The politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. Dumb ass motherfuckers., The real owners, the big, wealthy business interests that control things and make all the important decisions. Thats right. '", 73. God has a three-day weekend. George Carlin, The real reason that we cant have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not commit adultery, and Thou shalt not lie in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. So, maybe, maybe, maybe, it's not the politicians who suck. 27 Feb 2023 13:57:17 Carlin passed away in 2008 before he could see the prescience of his comedic wit and intelligence with the rise of Republican Donald Trump's candidacy this year. It creates a hostile work environment. ", 83. In the standup special, which premiered just three years before Carlin's death, the comedian claims that "the real owners are the big wealthy business interests that control things and make all the important decisions." ", 72. Lobbying, to get what they want. This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. I have major psychotic f**king hatreds. God has a three-day weekend. ", 109. ", 63. Deal with it. George Carlin, Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that. George Carlin, Isnt it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice? George Carlin, Were so self-important. Believe me, my friend. Carlins truth-telling about the influence of corporations in America and the willful blindness that allowed someone like Trump to assume power. ", 24. Then they would drink a lot of coffee.' "If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? "Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it. Save the trees, save the bees, save the whales, save those snails. And the greatest arrogance of all: save the planet. Weve addedyearstolifenotlife to years. George Carlin, Heres a bumper sticker Id like to see: We are the proud parents of a child whos self-esteem is sufficient that he doesnt need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car. George Carlin, Well, if crime fighters fight crime and firefighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight? George Carlin, Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. ", 47. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences. No nothing. ", 34. Theyll get it. "I think people shouldbe allowed to do what they want. Carlin was a New York City-based stand-up comedian, social critic, writer, and actor, best known for his unconventional and vulgar comedy routines. They own everything," the quote reads. ", 62. Soon enough you'll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family. Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat. They dont give a fuck about you. If you think too much, you will be left behind by everyone. It doesn't matter what side you're on. This cookie is used for embedding The Guardian video player. George Carlin, I am is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. It does not store any personal data. He famously said he didn't vote, so he couldn't be to blame for whatever shit show we got ourselves into. "War is rich old men protecting their property by sending middle class and lower class men off to die. I didn't bother with him. "Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to f**k.", 71. Functional cookies help to perform certain functionalities like sharing the content of the website on social media platforms, collect feedbacks, and other third-party features. These current events and social issues that are relevant today . Bing Ads sets this cookie to engage with a user that has previously visited the website. An old clip of George Carlin is gaining new life after this week's reports from the Supreme Court on abortion. When it comes to mass shootings, the problem isnt Republicans or the NRA. They don't want to hear from you . Enjoy! 03 Mar 2023 16:21:02 Associated with Amazon Web Services and created by Elastic Load Balancing, AWSELB cookie is used to manage sticky sessions across production servers. They own and control the corporations. (LogOut/ In the footage from his 1996 HBO special, Back In Town, Carlin tears into the pro-life movement: Pro-life conservatives are obsessed with the fetus from conception to 9 months. They should be more vivid. ""George Washington's brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country. Thats the problem. George Carlin, I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood. George Carlin, Governments dont want a population capable of critical thinking; theywant obedient workers, people just smart enough to run the machines and just dumb enough to passively accept their situation. George Carlin, How can He be perfect? ", 116. ", 30. I firmly believe that if you vote, you have no right to complain. This country is full of nitwits and assholes. The legendary comic, who died in 2008 at the age of 71, is also the subject of an upcoming two-part documentary, George Carlins American Dream, which debuts on HBO Max later this month: By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. ""Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? Performance cookies are used to understand and analyze the key performance indexes of the website which helps in delivering a better user experience for the visitors. "Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. Rubicon Project sets this cookie as an internal user identifier that stores user data to be used for analytics. 'You give us a color, we'll wipe it out. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. The ID is used for targeted ads. Twitter sets this cookie to integrate and share features for social media and also store information about how the user uses the website, for tracking and targeting. If youre preborn, youre fine; if youre preschool, youre fucked. OK? You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. Where are these people hiding? #AmericaWakeUp. And nobody seems to notice. You think your current financial. Facebook sets this cookie to show relevant advertisements to users by tracking user behaviour across the web, on sites that have Facebook pixel or Facebook social plugin. That doesnt help them. The Monday night crucifixions! You dont have to be a historian or a political scientist to see the bigger-dick foreign policy at work. What if puberty blockers are a kind of sex crime? The Onions fictional editor board asked in a mockery of The Times concern-trolling on trans issues. "The things that matter in this country have been reduced in choice, there are two political parties, there are a handful insurance companies, there are six or seven information centers, but if you want a bagel there are 23 flavors. Could it be that 'I do' is the longest sentence? The __gads cookie, set by Google, is stored under DoubleClick domain and tracks the number of times users see an advert, measures the success of the campaign and calculates its revenue. If you vote, and you elect dishonest, incompetent politicians, and they get into office and screw everything up, you are responsible for what they have done. From his infamous take on censorship with his NSFW "Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television" (which landed in the Supreme Court) to his nuanced rants on partisan politics and consumerism, Carlin not only made audiences laugh, but he challenged them to think independently and criticallyalbeit not entirely deliberately. "It's never just a game when you're winning. But once the child is born? And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid." 2. George Carlin : Designed to scare and control primitive people. Your culture and entertainment cheat-sheet. ", 59. Let's start with critical race theory. George Carlin was a comedian and social critic. 28. r/antiwork. The Great George Carlin. - Gin Wigmore. ", 114. Theyre anti-woman, simple as it gets, he said. Even right-wingers are getting tired of their queerphobic schtick. I see a glass thats twice as big as it needs to be. George Carlin, How come when its us, its an abortion, and when its a chicken, its an omelette? George Carlin, Laugh often, long and loud. I don't always agree with everything he says, but I always listen Given the nature of our current Administration, I thought it timely to revisit what George said years ago (Back In Town HBO Special, 1996 . ", 58. Provided by amazon-adsystem to make advertising messages more relevant to the users and their interests. We havent tried that for a while. But there is an I in independence, individuality, and integrity. They dont care about you at all. No nothing! Being woke, leading the charge in cancel culture, fighting censorship, and supporting those who are vulnerable and don't have a voice. I'm your huckleberry. Everybodys going to save something now. They dont want well informed, well educated people capable of critical thinking. The truth is that George Carlin would be branded a left-wing nut job who has pie-in-the-sky ideas and wants people to collect money for doing nothing. 15 years 6 months 5 days 3 hours 12 minutes, 15 years 6 months 5 days 3 hours 5 minutes, 15 years 6 months 5 days 1 hour 16 minutes. This cookie is set by the BlueConic. Going after racists, sexists, fascists, and aiming to bring those who try to restrict freedom to justice. This is the best we can do, folks. 125 George Carlin Quotes 1. She writes about astrology, games, love, relationships, and entertainment. If You're Preschool, You're F*cked': Read George Carlin's Epic 1996 Rant Against Anti-Abortion Conservatives . "I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, There is no I in team. What you should tell them is, Maybe not. He said: Once you leave the womb, conservatives don't care about you until you reach military age. I took his shoes. The 1996 clip is being passed around on social media after this week's Supreme Court news. Change), You are commenting using your Twitter account. "Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? September 12, 2019. I'm a cowboy who . "Well, if crime fighters fight crime and firefighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight? They want obedient workers, people who are just smart enough to run the machines and do the paperwork. ", 15. "He and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he, because no woman could or would ever f**k things up this badly. But once you're born, you're on your own. "A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff. No nothing. "Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life. This cookie is used by Akamai to optimize site security by distinguishing between humans and bots. Everyones at the mall, scratching his balls and buying sneakers with lights in them. "Sometimes people say, 'Do I try to make audiences think?' George Denis Patrick Carlin ( May 12, 1937 - June 22, 2008) was an American stand-up comedian, actor, author, singer, voice artist, and comedian, noted especially for his irreverent attitude and his observations on politics, language, psychology, and religion, as well as some taboo subjects. ALEX COHEN, host: Carlin died yesterday of heart failure. "I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' ", 31. Thell get it all from you sooner or later cause they own this fuckin place. This is one of the greatest social and political commentaries of the modern era. "Maybe its not the politicians who suck; maybe its something else. "It helps to remember this.. 'George Carlin - Life Is Worth LosingRecorded 5 Nov 2005, Beacon Theater, New York City, New YorkReleased: January 10, 2006Audio-visual content monetised by copyright claimant, MPI Media And they all vote. The cookie is used for storing the start and end of the user session for nielsen statistics. You can take the boy out of the country, but you can't take the country out of the boy. Some critics felt that Ice Cube's willingness to work with Republicans signaled his support for Trump. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. George Carlin, Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. George Carlin, Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. George Carlin, Men are from Earth; women are from Earth. ", 10. George Carlin. When a . "Life is not measured by the number of breath we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. May 12, 1937 - June 22, 2008. "When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' Related: When it comes to mass shootings, the problem isnt Republicans or the NRA. George Carlin Quotes On . Even sex has to be approached from, shall we say, a different angle to accommodate pain. "Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? The _omappvp cookie is set to distinguish new and returning users and is used in conjunction with _omappvs cookie. "I have lots of ideas. "But what I want them to know is that Im thinking. ", 95. George Carlin on The Late Late Show with Tom Snyder 1998 RayHamburger 95K views 4 years ago George Carlin on the Illusion of Choice in Politics. "Boy, these conservatives are really something, arent they? "I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loath and despise the groups they identify or belong to. You have owners. "People always tell me 'Have a nice day.' They come from American parents and American families, American homes, American schools, American churches, American businesses and American universities, and they are elected by American citizens. ", 66. "I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? He was a regular on the "Ed Sullivan Show," but in the 1970s he became much better known for his irreverent . It creates a hostile work environment. George Carlin, The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept. George Carlin, May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. George Carlin, The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. George Carlin, Scratch any cynic, and you will find a disappointed idealist. George Carlin, I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. CMPRO cookie is set by CasaleMedia for anonymous user tracking, and for targeted advertising. But dont participate; it will be your death. This cookie stores a visitor's unique identifier for Chartbeat tracking on the site. This cookie is set by Akamai. My first rule: I dont believe anything the government tells me. American - Comedian May 12, 1937 - June 22, 2008. From Life Is Worth Losing. He talked about things that could be considered controversial, like politics and politicians, religion, drugs, and the demise of humanity. These cookies help provide information on metrics the number of visitors, bounce rate, traffic source, etc. Maybe this time itll work. 1 Every year in January, WEF holds its annual meeting in Davos, Switzerland. Daniel Kurtzman is a political journalist turned satirist. George Carlin Shitting on GovernmentBuy Me a Pizzahttps://www.buymeacoffee.com/LaughPlGEORGE CARLINhttps://www.youtube.com/user/OfficialGeorgeCarlin/feedGeorge's websitehttps://georgecarlin.com/Social Media:\rInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/thelaughplanetofficial/\rYoutube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiI_jyH_0yttWG-m5fBYGmA\rTwitter: https://twitter.com/laugh_planet\rWebsite: http://thelaughplanet.comContact us: ash98jha@gmai.com #GeorgeCarlin #Government #America #Comedy #LaughPlanet They own you. If youre offended by foul language dont watch this f**king video. George Carlin, Meow means woof in cat. George Carlin, When youre born you get a ticket to the freak show. "I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. Its what our system produces: Garbage in, garbage out. The session information includes the identity of the user, recently visited links and the duration of inactivity. Answer (1 of 16): He hated mostly all politicians. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Performance". It even sparked a legal case with the U.S. Supreme Court! They've long since bought and paid for the Senate, the Congress, the statehouses, the city halls. Everybody's . ", 105. ", 33. What if I want to have a crappy day? "What if there were no hypothetical questions? LinkedIn sets this cookie to remember a user's language setting. That doesnt help them. ", 98. "If you cant say something nice about a person, go ahead. If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, youre going to get selfish, ignorant leaders. You dont. This cookie is used as a unique identifier for the BlueConic profile. ", George Carlin's acerbic wit and profound societal insights were a one time cultural phenomenon. Say what you want about America land of the free, home of the brave we got some dumb**s motherf**kers floating around in this country, Carlin says over the images. Keep your circle small. All day long beating you over the head with their media telling you what to believe, what to think and what to buy. They come from American parents and American families, American homes, American schools, American churches, American businesses, and American universities, and they are elected by American citizens. "The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions. ", 87. ", 103. Some people dream of things that never were and ask, 'Why not?' There is actually a semi-important figure in American history who is named for a blow-job movie. However, Ice Cube has endorsed neither Trump nor his Democratic rival, former Vice President Joe Biden. "If it requires a uniform, its a worthless endeavor. 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george carlin politicians don't care about you