we broke up and he got another girl pregnant

Posted on March 14, 2023 by

I know youve been in a tough situation and the fact that you and your daughter came out of it the amazingly awesome people you are shows that all a kid needs is an amazing mother who wants to provide for her kid at whatever cost to herself. ], Chuck Pelto Again, not unusual, and since the LW and the guy were broken up, the LW has no claim to what the guy could do after the breakup. So, he feels it is best to make things work with her for the sake of his baby. Anthony Leonson lets_be_honest Woman are more easily able to get custody and so are more likely to get support. I think difference is ensuring that the child is cared for. but all those prominent male politicians usually turn out to be gay and not hetero at all.. bittergaymark He loves me and doesnt care about the mother but wants to be there for the child, but said he doesnt have to and wil wait for the DNA test. No interest in fatherhood? As Ive said upthread: a man who sleeps with a woman he believes to be on the pill does so with the not-unreasonable expectation that she doesnt want to become pregnant. He was clearly having unprotected sex with at least one other person. Ive stayed away from this question because I honestly dont think I have a very well informed opinion on the matter. He hides me as well as the other girl. Why you ask? Im surprised that you guys dont recognize Chuck. I think the LW here should wash her hands of this whole mess and stay away from the drama. As well, the LW has no right to call this other woman names, purely because it was the LWs (ex? The law does not say men need to be financially responsible if the woman decides he should be. He has a choice he can be a father and split the responsibility with the mother instead of forcing her to have sole responsibility. The more you fight for another womans man, the more desperate you look. This is not unlike telling women that they cannot have an abortion in that it forces parenthood when it neednt be forced. Just sayin. Roe v. Wade merely established that abortion is a privacy issues and that a womans right to choose what is done with her body takes precedent over the rights of a state to prevent abortion. He can have an opinion about her but its absurd to be mad at her because they created a baby. The pill doesnt stop ovulation in all women. I know you two were on a break but I hope you made him get swabbed for STDs. As for what you do: I personally would ask him to ask the woman to get a paternity test. Of course we have a right to an opinion, even if our opinion is that dirty sluts shouldnt breed. Ive seen malarky thrown around quite a bit in this thread. He should have taken more precautions. I don't know my place anymore because he doesn't want to tell her we're back together. Sorry for the crass language. Why are you mopping and crying over a man who clearly doesnt want to be with you? React. If you cant handle the though of having a baby, you take precautions (condoms, birth control, vasectomy, abstinence even) and when babies happen, because they do even with protection, you take responsibility for it. Either way, it sounds like she and this douchenugget guy are made for each other. This woman might very well be lying. She may have just dumped his ass and now he wants to temporarily get back with LW and knows what to say. * However, if you bang and get knocked up by tiger woods (quite possible given his standards) you will be set for life and hence a lottery win is born. I wouldnt. But what a guy usually doesn't take into consideration is that a lot has happened after the breakup. I dont really know what the question was I just assumed it was should we stay together How can you not also be angry at your bf LW? We dont know that she asked for any money. Because believe mehes not into anything but what he wants and what he likes. If this happens, he STILL should not be welcomed back. For all we know, he used a condom and thought she was on the pill. Nothing about that makes him a bad person. Her judgment is irrelevant, but it isnt immoral. I hope your boyfriend will reconsider not being a part of this babys life. If youd like to share you e-mail, we could correspond more about this. The family structure is dynamic and without balance, falls apart. Ummm sorry your comparison is ridiculous because in that case its 100% the fault of the person eating at the restaurant. Do you want a man who doesnt want to be in a childs life because it means being with you? Well, that part is pretty easy, since its the way things work now. Ive grown up better being raised by a loving, supportive mother who wanted me than by two parents who didnt want to be together, one of whom readily admitted he wasnt ready or willing to be a father. Example: Couple agrees to the set-up evanscr05s friend did. You cant bear life without each other yet hes untrappable? Your bf cant stop her from having the baby. Until thats legally extended as you propose any man who doesnt exercise that option has no one to blame but himself when he becomes a parent. he delivers the baby from the nursery to your house. I asked him why and never got a response back, ever. My hand felt like someone smacked a block of ice with a hammer. ago. April 10, 2012, 5:54 pm. Surely you know that So if you want to hate women for having child support, why dont you hate the men who skipped town. I speak "strongly" sometimes beca. "The best way to move through a breakup while pregnant is to let the feelings flow," says McDermott. He is doing alot better. So I have a pretty positive impression of my biological father. She isnt a woman he wants to be with his entire life. Or you think that landygirl does that? Wrap it up or dont have sex, thats the only choice YOU have. As far as your relationship with him. I vehemently disagree when it is not in that order. I mean, seriously. I have a feeling you are going to stay with this guy no matter what (since you would just diiiie without him). Abortion is safe and legal, right? Thanks for noticing, though. He seems to be playing into a lot of her fantasies, plus providing a ready excuse why hell never have any money. As a woman, you have control over that. Briana DeJesus. I would love to pil your brain on this, specifically how your mom handled discussing it with you if you would be Willing to share. Im not saying this guy is wonderful by any means. If you dont want a kid with a stranger then PULL OUT!!! Im waiting for the moral and mental gymnastics that say its OK to force a man to spend 18 years paying to provide a good life for the result of his error in judgement, but its not OK to force a woman to spend nine months working to simply give life to the result of her error in judgement. Homosexual couples dont HAVE to adopt. But clearly this woman who is keeping her child DOES really want the child and is presumably prepared to handle all that comes with having a child. Reading your letter, you are far too immature to handle this. Just a suggestion for your scumbag boyfriend. Furthermore, men should be held at least halfway responsible for the resulting pregnancy and child but should have no authority to decide upon his involvement, even though consensual sex involves both people equally. The argument is that Im on birth control. is not the same as I will not get pregnant from this sexual encounter. You know how babies are made. Or perhaps youre a world-wise know-it-all 19 year old who heard everything you regurgitate here from your Womens Studies professor bitter after falling for the same sure I love you baby slickster line you mentioned above. Its not a gender-based law. But let me make a few suggestions Steve. Ive done too many drugs and Id never write a letter like this XD. reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2008): A Theres many reasons besides wanting a mans money to not get an abortion. Even if you wore a condom. Being on the Pill is akin to saying that youre not interested in having children, so I think its not completely invalid for him to assume she wasnt ready to have children, and to be angry when he ends up being forced into fatherhood.. . Which, if youll recall, honey, was what we were discussing in the first place before you sidetracked us. I dont think she should have any sort of legal say about the decision to keep the baby, but I dont think shes committing some horrendous crime for judging it. reader, confused.i.is+, writes (25 January 2008): All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft. Men will never have to make that choice. That could very well be true I just tried to answer the letter as if whatever the LW said had some truth to it (like that the other woman was having the baby to purposely lure the guy into a relationship with her, etc.) And MOA. He hadnt. Hes made a choice. And how can you be mad at the woman? Why would you disregard opinions that are based on the data thats actually there, and then defend yours which is based on a guess you made about people you dont know? guys..youre not gonna get anywhere with this one. lets_be_honest April 9, 2012, 12:13 pm. But you have to take a deep breath and be an adult about it, seriously. Terrance Dean. We learned that in middle school. Liberals only think of themselves. There is an obvious reason why we are all pretty damn sure he didnt use a condom For starters, itd have been the big leading point of the letter He so doesnt know how this happened! In order to build trust, the person must be trustworthy. Would you tell the parents that you would gladly pay for the funeral, but you want nothing else to do with what happened, and that you are going to go live your life like nothing did? I dont agree with it, but the beauty of being an American is we both get to have our views. When you two were engaged, he cheated and had a child by another woman. Sounds like he found something easy, and easy cost a lot.money and happiness. The you made your choice when you had sex argument goes both ways. Im guessing thats where most of us got the idea that he was trying to push it on her. And I called him out on condom use because truly that should be something we all think about when having non-monogamous sex EVEN if the woman is taking another form of birth control. And realize that when you have sex, you could very well get someone pregnant. April 10, 2012, 7:38 pm. Not long-winded just a breath of fresh air and reason after the insanity in that letter. Wow, that was a super bitchy thing to say. I find it enjoyable to do because it makes him happy, and it turns me on to get him so turned on. He cant force her to get an abortion, and she cant force him to be in the kids life. Again, this implies that a pregnancy must lead irrevocably to a child. However, I dont think it sounds like hes ready or willing to settle down with either woman. The decision to have sex is not a decision to have a child, but it always carries that risk. However, RR, Ill assume that every time youve ever had sex, it has been with someone you wanted in your like as a co-parent and that it was at a time in your life that a child would have been welcomed. He isnt what is best for you. honeybeenicki Hes a scumbag and your only choices are (1) say so now and be rid of him, or (2) wait 5 or 10 years and say Why didnt I see this 5 or 10 years ago? By then you may be after him for child support yourself, and good luck with that therell be at least one in line ahead of you every payday. Dude, thats seriously out of line. April 9, 2012, 9:56 pm. So, again, why are you crying and being depressed over him? just as she has the responsibility not to lie. All I could think about when I read this letter was what an awful situation that child is going to be exposed to, through no fault of his/her own. Stay with someone he dislikes because she became pregnant? female By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. What would you tell your girlfriend or sister if they were in the same situation is always a good go-to. He can take all the risks he wants its his choice. Unfortunately, your boyfriend may have gotten another woman pregnant. lets_be_honest SweetsAndBeats I think this is a very fair and reasonable response, I wonder if she will think so too. Everything else aside, most of the guys in this thread are more upset about the sex part than they are about the child out of wedlock part. Hes signing up for sex, not fatherhood, and it is an egregious breach of the implied sexual contract for the woman to turn around and say, Whups, knocked up! Im NOT saying she should abort, just that shes an idiot & she shouldnt expect a one-night stander to suddenly be a father. 4) The boyfriend, especially given his age (and that this cant be blamed on youthful impulsiveness), doesnt look the best in this scenario. Just because you have the right to do something doesnt mean that you should. You are indiscriminate in your partner choice and/or birth control? reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2008): A If a woman wanted to choose to terminate the child, would she be less of a real woman for not stepping up to the responsibility? I would suggest that the man under discussion would not be sponge-worthy. In the long run, US ends up with what I like to refer to as the Feminist Mystake. The entire point of my post(s) is that the paternity laws in this country (which is a central consideration of the letter and the story) are out of whack and unbalanced to the point of being unfairly punitive to men. Why would you want a future with someone that could do something like that? I believe that, in the case of consensual sex leading to pregnancy, both parties would be able to decide if they want to keep the child, and if the man doesnt and the woman does, she should bear full responsibility for child care, because it is a decision she has made. You may not agree with it, but the laws are such that he is obligated to raise the possible resulting child and/or pay for that child for a couple of decades, if she decides not to terminate the pregnancy. Women have figured that game out, and it sucks. Maam, hes made a choice. February 1, 2014, 11:38 am. bittergaymark Im not questioning the reality of the situation Im questioning the inherent fairness of the law today. Our relationship was mostly good until we hit a rough patch towards the last year of our relationship. The letter implies that the only protection used was the birth control. Addie Pray Its like people that think women become foster parents for the money. April 10, 2012, 7:23 pm. Just because hes willing to pay child support doesnt mean hes not a deadbeat and who would want to be with the kind of boy who would abandon his child. Been there So again I think you are making it seem like he treated her like a human being, and talked about this rationally, but really, he was pissed at her for having his baby, threw some money at her, and told her to never come back again. No one called him a criminal. The LW clearly believes that this is the case, and an objective reading of the circumstances she describes suggests that its a legitimate consideration. Hell, given the entitlement and lack of boundaries displayed in your letter, itll probably be your life no matter what. Yeah, but theres a lot of harshness toward the LW as well. Even if shes annoying, shes more than a hole for him to stick it in, and it would bother me to know my BF had just used another human being as a glorified masturbatory aid. Neither are the kids, but thats beside the point where feminism is concerned, right? If you dont find the info you need in this column, please visit the Dear Wendy archives or the forums (you can even start your own thread), do a search in the search bar, or submit a question for advice at wendy(AT)dearwendy.com. So, ask yourself why do you allow it? Chuck Pelto Especially since, had he been the woman and felt the same way, he would have quietly aborted the child without inviting half the scorn hes received here. LW- your boyfriend is scum. Come on, though Three times? What I see is a huge surge of anger at the guy and all sorts of reflections on what type of person he must be, and relatively little anger towards the woman, whose pregnancy and right to bear the child are apparently sacrosanct. I am willing to give this guy a teeney, tiny shred of doubt that he is in shock and is responding poorly, but that he could be a decent guy who will come around wants he gets his head around the situation. Seriously, that is your interpretation of the male thought process? but he wants me and wants to marry me as he said all along 8 Red Flags that Her Pregnancy is a Trap. Besides, he made that choice a long time ago when you broke up the first time. bittergaymark Of course life is unfair. 2. the guy is not worth you in a relationship. But sometimes, we don't even realize just how painful they are until after they've happened, and the person you love . You seem too whiny for most womens taste. You brought up the issue of trust and wanting to build trust. What sounded nice in theory is not sounding so great to Jimmy in reality. First, abandoned is a bit misleading, since (a) we dont know that theyd broken up before or after she discovered she was pregnant and (b) hes agreed to pay for the child. No clearly this is a brilliant way to be supported for life. They dont want to have spirited logical debate, they want to vent and lash out at people. I dont ever remember being heartbroken about not having a father. Maybe she IS trying to entrap him. Marriage to this woman would be the most stupid thing possible. I cried and felt so depressed. The divide between the populations of men and women that make up people differs only by a couple of percent world wide, so unless your definition of the term people consists largely of men, that argument falls through. April 9, 2012, 12:23 pm. And this is the problem with having sex in a non-monogamous relationship and not fully protecting yourself. The fact that the courts have found that men should be obligated to support mistakes is motivated by a desire to secure the welfare of the child. but he does not have the option to opt out entirely, which is something the pregnant woman can do. Just 10 seconds in the slipstream at 175 mph.. Chuck Pelto Male rape victims notwithstanding, men control where their sperm goes. His character and judgment are awful. Baby, our apartment isnt big enough for a baby. I dont think you are right to try to make him stay with her. Dont force him to be. lets_be_honest Its a double standard. What happens when *she* gets pregnant and he still doesnt want to be a father? The guy has not opted out of a childs life. bittergaymark April 9, 2012, 12:17 pm. You are arguing for NO abortion in cases of rape. And he is furious with this woman for keeping the baby after only knowing each other two minutes. They should act responsibly. Addie Pray If he didnt want to make a baby, he should have been wearing condoms or not having sex at all. nurserie cerise et capucine we broke up and he got another girl pregnant.If your ex got married only months after the breakup, then something doesn't feel right.In most cases with my clients, the girl is wanting the guy . Is anyone else eagerly anticipating the update to this one? And WHY did he not practice safe sex since he only knew her 2 minutes? If someone ahead of you slams on their brakes because they want to read a billboard and you hit them, Id guess youd be not be upset, because its your fault and youre aware that cars ahead of you can stop at any point. This poor unborn child who I feel very, very sorry for already, is not the problem. Outstanding dont have kids. Notwithstanding the fact that birth control sometimes fails, hes signing up for sex, not fatherhood. I knew, but loved him so much, forgave him & said wed give each other some space, but when I gave that space, he just went on ahead & made this lady pregnant. No one should be shocked or angry when they become a parent after doing the exact thing that causes pregnancy. Fair or not, the facts are what they are. Not with hormonal BC, not with 2 methods of BC, not when one of the individuals has been sterilized. He let you go. I see youre an ignorant homophobe too. The adoption process has a pretty involved vetting procedure- meaning that birth parents can reasonably assume the child will be cared for by the adoptive parent or parents. A dude youre dating barebacked someone while you were on a break and then came back to you and said he couldnt live without you. He gets a girl pregnant and then tells her to get rid of it because its an inconvenience for him to have to deal with it? If they dont want to be taken, then they should think before they poke. That can either be a blessing or a curse, depending on your views of abortion, where you are in your life, who your partner is, etc. Steve Kellmeyer Perhaps youd like to refute them instead of going the easy route and calling him a troll simply because he disagrees with you. Youre wrong. He didnt expect that to happen. He should get a damn vasectomy. April 12, 2012, 2:47 am. bittergaymark In the state I live in, you can leave a baby (or even child I think) in a church or hospital if you do not want the child and you will not get in any trouble for it. My takeaway from this is that men should never have sex unless theyre sterile or want to have children, and even then they should never have sex unless they plan to never have sex with a different person in the future because there is absolutely no way to avoid all sexually transmitted diseases aside from the complete lack of sexual contact. Ill bet if LW gets pregnant, this guy is gone just about instantly. I think we need to take a poll. This was even more of a scandal in a small town in the 70s than it would have been today, but she decided to keep the baby.

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we broke up and he got another girl pregnant